Door.
Shut the door, squirrel.
Whiskey.
How are ya?
Bean. Roy Bean.
Maybe you heard of me. My picture's on the wall.
On the other side of that wall over there.
Just, robbed the Granger's trust down in Magdalena.
Hey, that's no easy pickings.
I mean, Bonanza Stud had his hand shot halfway
and I picked, two pellets of crude-iron buckshot
out of my, my ankle.
I always heard that a man in a dodge
is welcome west of Pecos.
Maybe I heard wrong.
You heard right.
"Revised laws and Statutes of the State of Texas."
What's that doing here?
The whores done piss on it.
Give him a drink of cactus whiskey.
You a bank robber?
You get much out of that Magdalena one?
No.
None?
That's right, none.
Buy me a drink, bank robber?
Listen, when Roy Bean drinks, everybody drinks.
Give me the money.
I want some of that money!
Get off him.
Yeah, that's right.
Go!
Gun. Gun.
Come back here, you son of a bitch!
Kill him! Shoot him!
- I'm going to get Marvin. - Alright.
Come on back here! I ain't through killing you!
Ya hear me? All of your kind, I'll be waitin'!
The first time I saw Roy Bean
he was set on killin' me.
Thought I was the devil comin' to take him.
It was an understandable thought
considering all the carnage
that he had so recently brought forth.
I'm the reverend, Mr. LaSalle.
Though I walk in the valley of the shadow...
I fear not.
What has happened here?
These men tried to hang me
and they have been killed for it.
- How many of them are there? - A lot of 'em.
- Who did the killing? - I did.
They were bad men
and the whores weren't ladies.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.
It was.
I'm waitin' for the buzzards.
They don't deserve buryin'.
Maybe they don't, but they ought to be.
They are a stench and an abomination.
I've got a shovel if you don't.
I buried them because Christ had died for all of 'em.
It was his choice, not mine.
I am not one to question the wisdom of the Almighty.
Get my Bible.
It is in the saddlebag.
I will read over the dead now.
Now, my Bible, please, mister...
Bean.
- Bean. - Roy Bean.
Judge Roy Bean.
I am the new law in this area.
What has qualified you as such?
I know the law
since I have spent my entire life
in its flagrant disregard.
I'd never killed a man before.
I'd shot at some...
in self-defense or blind fright
but I never hit anyone.
So God must have directed my bullets.
Why, he even sent an angel...
to deliver this weapon.
Just how do you intend to dispense this law?
With this... and a rope.
And will you rely again on the grace of God?
Well, I intend to practice.
Give him some help.
Get on with the readin'.
I've turned to the "Book of Psalms"
and I will read from Psalm number 58
which I deem to be appropriate.
"Let their teeth be broken"
"and blooded in their mouths"
"the great teeth of the young lions."
"He shall take them away, as with a whirlwind"
"both living and in his wrath."
"The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance."
"He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked"
"so that a man shall say"
"verily, there is a reward for the righteous."
"Verily, he is a God that that judgeth in the Earth."
What of them?
How do they fit into your scheme of justice?
The law is going to protect 'em.
Says that somewhere in here.
- Where is she? - Who? The angel?
If ever there was one.
Does she speak American?
What is your name, senorita?
How are you called?
Maria Elena.
Well, Maria Elena, I...
I want to thank you for what you done
is what I want to do.
Maybe you can explain to these people here that
that I mean them no harm.
Tell 'em it's going to be a new place.
It's going to be a nice place to live.
I'm the new judge. There's going to be law.
There's going to be order, progress
civilization, and peace.
Above all, peace.
And I don't care who I have to kill to get it.
Go on. You tell 'em that.
Tell them all the horses
that belonged to them vermin are theirs.
Their guns.
The land.
Just that place.
That place there, that's mine.
- They do not want the horses. - No, no.
They'll take the horses. They do not want the land.
They are grateful.
They do not need the guns. You are their patron.
You mean I own everything if I do all the gettin' shot at.
It is an old and fair arrangement.
And somewhat shrewd, I might add.
Well, that brothel there, it will be my courthouse.
Place to deal out justice.
Place to get shot at and shoot and hang others from.
That's what it is.
I intend to live there, regardless.
What is it, my child?
I will live there, too.
She will what?
You don't want me to live there.
No, I don't.
Not yet, anyway.
Don't you have parents or the like?
Perhaps she could live in that little shack off to the side.
Perhaps you could live in that little shack off to the side.
Blessed is the Lord, thy strength
which teaches thy hand to war and thy fingers to fight.
I shall pray for you, Bean.
This land abounds in ruffians and varmints.
Their numbers are legion, their evil skills commensurate.
Piss on 'em.
That was the first and last time
I saw Judge Roy Bean.
I never got back to that country
and died of dysentery in old Mexico.
I haven't seen him since, so he probably went to hell.
Lillie Langtry.
The Jersey Lily.
Fairest voice, softest hair,
eyes the color of a starlit night.
The most beautiful woman in all creation.
That's what that is.
Why, even princes
drink champagne from her slipper.
Look at the color of that hair.
I can't see any color.
Well, that's 'cause it's a bad likeness.
But even a bad likeness of Lillie Langtry
is worth most women in the flesh.
Get back in there, child.
Who are you?
Big Bart Jackson.
This is my gang.
Tector Crites.
Whorehouse Lucky Jim.
Nick the Grub, Fermel Parlee.
- You outlaws? - We're honest men.
Merely been driven to a life beyond the law by circumstances.
- You ever been here before? - No.
Don't even know where I am now.
Well, it's the Eagle's Nest, Vinegarroon County, Texas.
Vinegarroon.
What is a Vinegarroon?
Well, it's a Mexican word.
Means whipped-tailed scorpion, mean as hell.
I don't want trouble from you
only food, water, and some cactus whiskey
if that sign's not an idle boast.
Nothing on that sign is an idle boast.
Including the law. Got any money?
Not much.
We tried to rob Three Rivers Flyer.
Couldn't catch it.
The passengers shot at us from windows for sport.
Not easy being an outlaw in times like these.
Ordinarily, I'd take you in my court
and try you and hang you.
But if you got the money for whiskey
I guess we can dispense with those proceedings.
Do you get much judging around here?
What do you mean?
I mean, what's the use of being a judge
if you ain't got no one to law?
Got a whole graveyard of previous cases.
I'll bet you could do even better
if you had more cases to try.
- That's right. - What are you getting at?
What kind of court of law is it? Has no marshals.
I don't need no marshals to back me up.
There's Judge Parker, Fort Smith, Arkansas.
- Has marshals. - That's right.
A wealthy and respected man today.
That he is.
Marshals have to be men of strong moral fiber.
Country like this overrun with outlaws.
Rich in possibilities.
I see no reason why the State of Texas...
through myself...
could not provide half the booty
and loot collected as legal property of this court.
Split up four ways, I imagine.
- Five. - Five.
Why, the State of Texas
would probably pay a bonus each month.
You mean, a bonus for the man
that, does the most to the stopping
of banditry and out lawlessness
that runs rampant in this land... providing...
I was able to find men of sufficient moral fiber.
Raise your right hands, do you solemnly swear to
uphold the letter of the law as enforced and stated
in the Revised Statutes of Texas, 1855?
And furthermore, do you swear solemn allegiance
and vow to uphold the honor of Lillie Langtry.
I do.
Judge. Judge.
Can I be the bartender?
I've had my fill of being shot at for money.
What about that part about Miss Langtry?
That's the most beautiful woman I ever seen in all my born days.
By the power vested in me, through God
and the great and honorable State of Texas
I hereby proclaim you to be marshals of the court
of the county of greater Vinegarroon.
For Texas and Miss Lillie!
The-the whole thing was a m-mistake.
Why I-I was f-framed from the start.
S-set up by t-this two-bit vigilante judge
and his lynch mob.
They had nothing better to do.
Besides, I-I was easy to catch.
This here is Sam Dodd, judge. Genuine murderer.
- Who'd he kill? - Chinaman and his greaser wife.
Stole a fruit jar full of money.
- How much? - Close to $90.
Ninety dollars.
That's a serious crime, son. Where's the evidence?
We buried the victims no more than an hour after he done it.
Get down off that horse!
I don't cotton to looking up to the likes of you.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Court of Vinegarroon is in session.
There'll be no drinking.
Judge Roy Bean presiding.
Do you have anything to say before we find you guilty?
I'm not guilty of nothing.
There's no crime that I've done wrong.
- Do you deny the killing? - I do not deny it.
But there's n-no place in that book
where it says nothing about killing a, a Chinese.
And no one I know ever heard of law
on, on-on greasers
n-nig-niggers, or Injuns.
All men stand equal before the law.
And I will hang a man for killing anyone
including Chinks, greasers, or niggers.
I'm very advanced in my views and outspoken.
But there's no place in that book that says.
Trust in my judgment of the book.
'Sides, you're going to hang no matter what it says in there
'cause I am the law.
The law is the handmaiden of justice.
- Get a rope. - Let's go, Sam Dodd.
I-I want-I want to say something.
Don't-don't I get to say nothing?
By all means.
I want to say that I, I still believe
this whole thing is a mistake
and that I am no worse, and probably b-better
than the men who are about to end my days.
Well spoken, son. That's enough.
It was wrong to do this to me for the crimes mentioned
but, well, I'd also killed
white men and stole their horses.
So I figured that that-that's what I was being hung for.
My only concern was that that rope be tied properly
and the whole thing done right.
It was.
Verily, it has come to pass
that the wicked, outlaw, et cetera...
going to have their teeth blunted like lions,
with their necks stretched and broken.
This is the fate of the wicked.
And all this has come to pass
'cause it is the duty of the righteous
which is us, to hang the wicked whenever we can.
So that a man can say truly
that God has appointed a judge upon the earth.
That is how it is, and the way it will be.
- Amen. - Amen.
Bar is open!
Two.
I'm Snake River Rufus Krile a long way from home.
Quit grinning. Can't stand a man that grins.
Hyah!
I call that bet, and I'll raise you ten.
I'm blood kin to a Gila monster.
Can drink my weight in wolf poison.
Massacre, bloodshed...
famine and drought all put meat on my bones.
I'll see that and raise you five.
Hardship and slaughter?
My daily bread.
Well, I'm considering, I'm considering that.
I can whip a full-grown longhorn cow with my hands tied
make violent love to mountain lions.
My trigger fingers are itchy.
I'm set to go red hot.
Raise you five.
Justifiable homicide.
I fine that man two bits
for firing a gun in a public building.
I also fine him...
Thirty-five, forty-five, fifty, fifty-two...
Fifty-two dollars for lying around.
Whorehouse, I call ya, and...
Raise ya $52.
I call.
Three bullets.
The marshals found that the land abounded in opportunities.
And the pickings was easy.
Little did the varmints expect the long arm of justice
to reach them from within.
Criminal vermin was plentiful and of good value, too.
We had us a table piled high with silver in no time.
And that was just the beginning.
The confiscated property of them
that was caught and hung, allowed the judge
to institute civic improvements.
Wagonloads of real law-abiding citizens came to settle.
The judge, himself, became a man
of considerable wealth and consequence.
He verily papered the courthouse walls
with posters of his true and fair love.
He even sent riders to the railway
to bring back The New York Times
so he could follow the exploits of Miss Langtry,
the Jersey Lily...
Voice as sweet as that of a nightingale.
I am disturbed by the news this morning.
What is it, judge?
I am crestfallen.
Crestfallen?
Crestfallen by the...
report that Miss Lillie, in a playful mood
at a royal outing, slipped a frog down the back
of His Highness Albert Edward, prince of Wales.
It was in a moment of frivolity, you understand.
She, slipped a frog down this prince's neck?
Anyway, the prince was ruffled by the incident
and disfavored Miss Lillie for it.
I suppose he would.
Suppose he would?
Ought to go over there and hang the son of a bitch!
I would, too, except I got too much respect
for the royal family.
- Where'd you get that dress? - You sent for it.
Well, it sure didn't look like that
in the "Sears and Roebuck" catalog.
Don't you like it?
With all due respect to Miss Lillie.
I think she'd understand.
Yeah, I like it a lot.
Just don't go wearing it around here
during drinking hours.
Judge! Judge! You better come quick!
There is gonna be an illegal lynching!
Hold it! Hold it!
The only lynching around here
will be done according to the law.
Hell, judge!
We got the tar, and we got the feathers.
What is all this about, Bart?
Well, we, as the decent folks of this community
will not abide by pimp gamblers
and women of the night at prices like these.
What's the going price?
Five dollars, that's the price!
Gold or silver!
Outrageous!
I'd be willing to make a special rate for you, judge,
considering that...
No, sir.
What goes for my town, goes for me.
Justice goes for all.
Justice is the handmaiden of the law.
Well, I was only trying to make amends.
Amends!
What you have done... to these..
Gentle damsels.
I accuse you, sir, of leading them down the primrose path.
Making them slaves to passion and the dollar.
Five dollars.
- Three. - Two point fifty.
For you, judge, nothing.
Get those ladies down from that traveling bordello
and put them on the porch.
You, sir.
- Oof! - Get out of my way.
That's it, come to me. I'll catch you.
I ain't going to sentence you, boy
but I am going to warn you.
If you ain't out of town here in five minutes
I'm going to open court in earnest.
I haven't even got a horse!
Steal one! A fast one!
Remember, we hang horse thieves around here.
Spread out, ladies.
I didn't mean that.
What do you want to do with them, judge?
Just bear witness.
Bart, come here.
Fermel.
Right there.
Whorehouse, come here.
Right there.
- Tector. - Yes, sir?
- Come on out here. - No, not-not me, judge.
I'm a benedict.
What about me, judge?
Over here.
Ladies...
I intend to steer you back to the path of righteousness.
I hereby sentence you to one year
under protective custody of my marshals.
Bar's open! Drinks are on the house!
I think, my dear,
that you are a case for special consideration.
I hereby declare you a ward of the court.
A pig! Pig!
I likewise advise you to find a fast horse.
Hold it!
- Alright, let's go inside. - The judge can handle it.
- Where you going? - I am going for a walk.
Smell how sweet that air is.
It's almost tropical, that's what it is.
In the desert at night, in the moonlight
it smells like it could be a teeming jungle
in Africa or India or the like.
And it makes me dream about this land.
What I'm going to make of it.
Someday, it's going to be covered
with farms and towns.
There's going to be a railroad...
streets covered with brick,
buildings made of stone a 100 feet high.
There's going to be factories and slaughterhouses
like I seen in those pictures of Denver and Chicago.
And I am going to have a courthouse
made of granite four stories high,
where I can go down and see that everything is going to plan.
And you can have anything you want.
You just think of anything you want.
A box that makes songs.
What?
A box that you open, it makes songs.
- Music box. - Si.
Well, I would get you a pipe organ.
What songs would you want it to play?
Any songs.
You ever hear "The Yellow Rose of Texas?"
- No. Why? - Well, you should.
How does it go?
Sing more.
No, I can't sing.
It's cold in that shack where you live, ain't it?
It's alright in the summer.
Yeah, but it's cold in the winter
and it leaks in the rain, don't it?
Sometimes.
And the wind comes through.
Only when it's blowing.
Yeah, well, it is summer
and the sky is clear, there's no wind, so I think
you ought to spend the night with me in the courthouse
so I can protect you from the elements.
Hey, what are you doing there in the middle of nowhere
digging a hole?
A grave. When that wheel come off the wagon.
I took it for a sign.
- This here's my dying ground. - Where you coming from?
Lived in the mountains most of my days. I was a mountain man.
Knew Jim Bridger, Kit Carson, Liver Eatin' Johnson.
He was a good feller when he started out,
let things get to him, though. Went bad after a few winters.
Yeah, a man will do that. What's your name, mister?
I'm Grizzly Adams,
direct descendant of John Quincy Adams,
sixth president of the United States.
His blood is in me.
I went wild as a youth, run away to the mountains.
Good life, free life, but cold.
So cold I'd go to the bears in winter
and lie up with them in their cave.
That's why I'm known as Grizzly.
I cohabitated with the bears.
What are you doing in Vinegarroon?
All my life, I've been cold.
I come south to die where it's warm.
Well, it's warm here.
But there'll be no illegal dying.
The only people that die in my town
are those that I shoot or hang. Get along with you.
Can't die here! Can't die there!
Man can't even die where he sees fit no more!
I want no part of what this world's come to
and I'm glad my days are at an end.
That's Zachary Taylor, my eldest boy
named after the 12th president of the United States.
I prefer his company to that of men.
Well, pick up that wheel and move on.
Or I'll have you both strung up for disturbing the peace.
Hurry up, mister, this bear ain't getting any lighter.
How about adopting him, mister?
He'll need someone after I've gone to love
and be loved by in return.
Send him back to his mother.
She run off with another bear from Colorado.
Hey! Hey!
What do you think you're doing?
Come on back here and pick up your bear!
Good heavens.
Give Zach a good home, mister
or sure as hell, I'll come back and haunt you.
There, there now, there now. Good bear.
There now. There now. Good bear.
Good bear. Good bear.
There now. There now, there now.
Good bear. Good bear.
Ha!
Go on, run for it. You can't bluff me.
- Go on back to your father! - Run, judge!
Okay, stay where you are, damn it!
Come on, judge, he's a monster! Come on!
Nasty bear. You want to make friends?
Go on!
Get in there now. Go on.
Go to bed and lie down, you hear me?
I don't know which one he was talking to
but either way, it must've been one hell of a night.
The watch-bear moved right into the household.
The judge and him and Maria Elena
were inseparable like.
The three of them used to go picnicking together.
Dearest, Lillie
it was with fondest enthusiasm
that I received your letter this morning.
It was delivered to me while in court
and I dared not open it for fear
that it would cause me to reel in dazed ecstasy
and forget the grave responsibilities of my position.
We're ready now, judge.
Therefore, I placed it
in a pocket over my heart
where it has remained warm until now.
I don't want to hurry you, judge
but the horse is getting nervous.
Quiet, you damn fool, can't you see the judge
is reading a letter from Miss Langtry. Now come on.
Dear, Mr. Bean, on behalf of Miss Langtry
I wish to thank you for your correspondence
of April, March, February, and January, 1895.
Miss Langtry is presently engaged
in a tour of the continent.
And will make every effort to review it
at her soonest possible convenience.
Most warmly yours, Dorothy P. Pillsbury
personal secretary to Miss Lillie Langtry.
- Any last words? - We already said that.
Alright, give me back my cigar.
Carry out the sentence.
Hyah!
Could you lower the deceased a little bit?
He's not in the picture.
Lower him.
That's fine right there.
Alright, everybody.
Ya ya ya ya!
The only real attempt
to question the authority of the Judge's court
occurred the time Bad Bob came to town
not Dirty Bad Bob, the Mexican
but the original Bad Bob, the mean one, the Albino.
Bad Bob's in town!
Wait and I'll go with you.
Bad Bob's in town!
Hey, you!
Help me!
Don't you ever question what I say.
I think you shot off my toe.
It'd be the second one over from the big one.
You go tell that snake scum Judge
that I intend to burn his eyes out
and feed 'em to the buzzards.
But before I do, I want to eat breakfast.
I've ridden a long way and amassed a powerful hunger.
Now, listen,
you tell him to prepare to go to hell!
I will send him there directly.
Now, get!
But what about my toe?
Now they match.
Cook him for me. Smother him in onions.
How do you want your horse?
Blue.
Bean?
Hey, Beano?
It's me... Bob!
Bad Bob!
Hey, Bean, I've come here to shoot your eyes out.
And then, I'm going to take my ivory-handled knife
and cut your head off and sell it
to a friend of mine in a carnival.
It is my intention, Beano
to rid the ground of your shadow
and take my pleasure upon this town.
I have one thing to add...
Lillie Langtry is a pig-faced whore, bitch, dog
and I wouldn't waste my bullet on her
let alone my seed.
Do you hear, Beano?
I'm ready, Beano.
Come and get it, Beano.
Come on, Beano!
Come on, Beanie!
Come and get it! I'm ready for you, Beano!
Judge!
He's dead. He sure is.
He was shot in the back.
Appears to be shot in the back or the front.
As long as the son of a bitch is dead.
You done it, Judge. You killed Bad Bob.
You call that sporting?
It weren't a real stand up fight.
Stand up? I laid down to steady my aim.
Well, I mean, he never had a chance.
Not at all. Never did, never would have.
I didn't ask him to come here.
I don't abide giving killers a chance.
He wants a chance, let him go someplace else.
Shame to end so glorious a career in such a manner.
Says in the Bible, Bobbo,
psalm 58...
"The righteous are going to rejoice and triumph
"over the wicked, whose teeth are blunted like lions
"and they get carried away by whirlwinds and such
while God Judges on this Earth through me."
I reckon poker had as much to do with winning the West
as colt's .45 or the prairie schooner.
As played in the Jersey Lily
it required boundless courage
unerring judgment, and soaring faith.
It was more a religion than a game.
The Judge considered himself a past master,
but then I never knew a Texan who didn't.
Two.
You call?
I'll call
and raise you two dollars.
I'll call...
and I'll raise you...$23.
- That leaves me out. - Excuse me, sir.
I believe that I'm addressing the supposed Judge Roy Bean
am I not?
Whatever you're selling, I don't want it.
We don't cotton to drummers around here.
I'm Frank Gass, an attorney at law.
- I'm not a drummer. - You in or out?
I call and raise you 10.
I represent the Estate of Charles Finninus Booker
late of St. Louis, Missouri
who was the previous legal owner of his property
and all the land extending in a 100-mile radius.
I'll call you, and I'll raise you.
This silver-plated bulldog pistol
worth ten dollars, I would say.
I am now the present owner.
Well, I call.
Thought I was bluffing, didn't you? Take a look.
A little queen high straight.
Well, you ain't going to appreciate this, Judge,
but I caught me a flush. Lookie.
Beer, Tector.
Excuse me, excuse me, sir, I really don't...
Don't you have better sense
or manners
than to disturb a man
who's deciding whether to raise or call?
Do you know there's a city ordinance
against disturbing a man
who's deciding whether to raise or call?
It's a misdemeanor.
You can be shot for it.
Here you are, Whorehouse.
Well, thank you, Judge.
That'll be $25.
Twenty five dollars?
Yeah, when I ain't winning, the beer's $25.
Well, that ain't sportin'.
What is a man supposed to do?
Start losing or quit drinking.
Now, here this, sir.
I hold in my possession a grant of land
issued by the king of Spain for the aforementioned property.
Miss Lillie knows some of them kings of Spain.
It came into my possession as payment
for the Booker Estate.
You don't say?
Provisions for grants of land
are made in the statutes of the state.
Look, do you have a book of law here?
- Of course. - Well, give it to me.
Open.
Thank you.
I'll see that and raise you.
That's a law book, not a salt lick.
Well, I'll call that
and raise you $19.
Too stiff for me, Judge.
I'm out.
I raise you $50.
That's too rich for blood.
Fifty dollars?
I don't got $50.
Here it is. Now you just start reading that.
Article 48, section F.
That's a bad law. I just repealed it.
That is outrageous.
Fifty dollars?
I call.
How many?
Got a pat hand.
So do I.
I have, how do you say, a full house, aces over.
Now, you see here, Judge Roy Bean.
I will not be bandied around and treated in this manner.
I'm an influential man, and I have powerful friends.
So have I.
I'd like you to meet one of them.
What? Hey!
- Tector! - Let me go!
Watch your step there, young fella.
- Wait, wait! - Just watch your step.
- There you go. - Where are you taking me?
Very well. There you go. Hang in there.
Hey, get me out of here!
Help!
Let me out of...
I'm going to be eaten alive!
He'll kill you first, then he'll eat you.
Last time that bear ate a lawyer
he had the runs for 33 days.
No! No!
If only you'd just let me go here.
I don't want your money.
It just might be a good idea
to feed that bear a bottle of beer.
It keeps him occupied.
Beers a dollar a bottle.
A dollar a bottle? You call that justice?
Justice is the handmaiden of law.
You said law was the handmaiden of justice.
- I'm being eaten alive! - Works both ways.
After the passing of approximately 93 bottles
the Judge and I came to an arrangement.
Since I had only nine dollars left
I was in a poor bargaining position.
It seemed that the Judge found me valuable
in defending prisoners who had financial resources elsewhere.
A spirited defense might unearth these resources.
I agreed to split the fees 60-40.
I soon had a burgeoning law practice established.
But I never forgot what that egomaniac had done to me.
I intended to repay the Judge in full someday
and I had allies.
And your hat, it's ravishing. Absolutely ravishing.
It's good to see you.
An act of God, like the Grand Canyon.
Haven't you two had enough for one night?
Well, it's way past my bedtime.
I'm going home.
The ancient Greeks worshipped at the feet of Aphrodite.
They loved mortal women as well.
The same goes for me.
Goodnight, Judge.
And her...
and Miss Lillie.
Get out of that bucket!
You drink beer, and a bear that eats glue.
It's uncivilized.
A man has two loves...
an unattainable Goddess...
and a mortal woman.
And he loves the mortal woman twice as much
for having worshipped Lillie Langtry.
Hey, you bear.
Hey, bear!
I'll have your head. I don't want to hear that!
I don't, I don't, I don't!
Don't you give me any back talk.
Rather have your tail kicked.
Skin you alive, use you for a doormat.
Your heart's blacker than your hide.
You're no gentleman, never was.
Shame on you, Judge! Quarreling with a bear!
You didn't see what he did to Miss Lillie.
He defiled her.
He licked her dear face...
breathed on her...
with his beer-foul breath.
On that night, an historic and tragic attempt
was made on the Judge's life.
No one had ever seen the assassin before
or knew his motives.
But my humble opinion,
it was Lawyer Gass put him up to it.
That bear's drunker than I am.
It ain't just the bear.
Bear?
What's going on?
- Judge? Judge? - Are you alright?
Maria, open the door.
- Judge? - You alright, Judge?
- Bart? - What's going on here, Bart?
- My God, who's that? - Judge, you alright?
- Judge, what happened? - What's happened here?
Lookie here, there's the bear.
- The fella sure is dead. - What's wrong with bear?
He's as dead as you can get.
- Anybody know him? - What a mess.
Anybody know this one-armed man here?
He's a dead as you can get.
What the hell was he doing in here?
I don't know what he's doing in here at this time of night.
Let's have a drink to the bear.
Yeah.
There'll be no drink...
Wasted on that bear.
Wasn't worth a hoot in hell.
He'd make a spectacle of himself
for anyone with a dollar.
And he laid his profaned paws on Miss Lillie.
I've killed human men
for less than what he did.
Alright, men, let's get this assassin outside and bury him.
Bury him?
No. I want him stuck on a cactus.
Reduced to flies and ants.
I don't...
I don't want him in the same ground with bear.
I don't!
You take his feet.
Put that arm there on his chest.
His teeth have been blunted in his head.
The great teeth of a young bear.
He saw that the wicked were carried away
as in a whirlwind.
But there is a reward for the righteous
the courageous, and the loyal
and that reward includes beer,
plums, and grapes,
and bears like Lillie Langtry.
The reward will be given in heaven
where I got no jurisdiction.
Verily, it has come to pass.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Amen.
It's all changing.
The country's changing.
The railroad's coming.
People pass by and look out the window
and never know what it took to make all this.
They won't know about the bear.
They won't know about me.
I guess it doesn't matter.
I'm going to have your baby in the spring.
A son.
Make it a son.
I need a son.
King Louis XIV, King of France, had 103 of 'em.
A man can't live forever.
A man is mortal.
Look at her, the brazen hussy.
You don't suppose he'll marry her, do you?
Heaven forbid. A Mexican?
Well, the little bastard
would be the only thing in town without his name on it.
There is nothing worse than a harlot turned respectable.
A reformed anything is bad enough
but a reformed harlot is a direct wrath of the devil.
Seems that those who have spent time giving pleasure for profit
are all the more zealous
when it comes to dealing out misery.
Have you got a minute, Judge?
What's on your mind, Bart?
We'd like to talk to you about something.
Go right ahead.
The railroad's a-coming.
But we don't think the train's even going to stop here
what with men hanging
right out in clear view.
Don't get us wrong, Judge.
We ain't against hanging.
We just feel that
it should be done more private like.
Yeah. Yeah, in-in Dallas
they do it in a barn outside of town.
In a barn?
Like they was ashamed of it?
Why, I'd rather give up hanging.
No, sir. The law says that the guilty shall be punished.
And I say it shall be done in broad daylight in the open
not sneaking around
like you was the ones that was guilty, not them.
Well, what about the ladies, Judge?
Their delicate sensibilities?
And the children?
The children?
It's exactly what children need. It sets an example.
It shows them what'll happen if they don't walk
the straight and narrow.
Well, don't get riled, Judge.
I know who put those ideas in your heads.
Well, they don't deserve any opinions.
I'll do the thinking around here.
And you can tell that to your whores!
I mean, your wives.
There are several reasons advanced for the fall of Rome.
The decline of the military,
increase in the savage hordes.
But I got my own opinion.
Here they come again, Judge.
I think it was those Roman baths.
Roman generals didn't even bother to fight
their own wars no more.
Swam around in scented oil,
lollygagging with the slaves,
stuffing themselves with larks' tongues.
We're here for a showdown, Judge.
Showdown?
- Yes, sir, it is. - About what?
It weren't right you calling our wives what you did.
I forgot what I called 'em.
Well, the word don't bear repetition.
Whores.
Well, they may have been once about a time
but today, they're respectable, married ladies.
Piss on 'em!
There you go again, Judge.
Lower your voice, for God sakes.
We're in enough trouble already.
It's like this, they heard what you called 'em.
They say we should defend their honor.
Yeah, they called us cowards, craven cowards.
Said they're going to lock us out of our houses
unless you apologize.
- Apologize? - And they're hopping mad.
Do us a favor, will you, Judge?
They're standing out there waiting.
Go to them real hangdog like
as though we made you ask for their pardon.
Hangdog?
I understand you've taken exception
to my calling you whores.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
I ask you to note that,
that I did not call you callous ass strumpets,
fornicatresses,
or low-born gutter sluts.
But I did say whores.
No escaping that.
And for that slip of the tongue.
I apologize.
"Miss Lillie Langtry and company"
"have recently embarked on an Easter tour"
"of the midwestern and southwestern states."
"They will perform one evening only
"in the following cities, Chicago, April 1st.
"Kansas City, April 6th
San Antonio, April 11th."
My God, Judge.
She's coming to San Antonio.
They say that she is... at her incomparable best
in The Fool's Revenge.
You should go and see her
before she grows old and fat.
Miss Lillie's beauty is timeless.
Anyway...
I can't.
Why not?
Too busy.
I got all those civic responsibilities,
criminals to prosecute,
station house going up,
babies being born.
We will wait.
Get the Sears & Roebuck.
I'll need the proper attire.
When people go to see Miss Lillie,
they get dressed for the occasion.
They wear tails.
Tails?
That's right, tails.
Coat, vest, and pants, $11.40.
Boy!
I'd like a seat in the middle of the front row, please.
Mister, we don't have a seat
in the middle of the front row or anywhere else.
I see. How much will it be, $100?
- A hundred dollars? - 200, if necessary.
Just a minute.
Programs! Get your programs!
I'm sorry, sir, we've been sold out for two days.
Price is no object.
I'm sorry, sir, we have no more seats.
Well, find some. I'm Roy Bean.
Judge Roy...
The fabulous Lillie Langtry
as she appears in "The Fool's Revenge."
Programs! Get your programs here!
Sir, I will give you $200 for your ticket.
Nonsense.
Could I buy your ticket for $200?
I'll give anybody in this theater $200 for a ticket.
Two hundred dollars.
Take your hands off me. I'm Judge Roy Bean.
Be easy on us, Your Honor.
Leave peaceable.
I'll go by myself.
I'll give you $400 for your ticket.
Excuse me, Your Honor.
I heard you with them police.
- Get away, boy. - I'm trying to do you a favor.
- Go away, boy. - I work for the opera house.
I wouldn't do this for nobody else.
Come on.
I mean, you being a Judge and all
and talking about Miss Langtry and all.
Hey, how'd you like to meet her?
You know Miss Lillie?
I put her flowers in fresh water every morning.
Part of my job.
Did you notice any red and white roses there today?
Red and white? Red and white?
Did you send those, Your Honor?
They was beautiful beyond belief.
Miss Lillie like 'em?
Well, I can't rightly say, Your Honor.
You see, roses ain't her favorite flower.
But she appreciated the thought.
What is her favorite flower?
Tulips.
This year it was tulips. That's what it was, alright.
Tulips?
You can get me back there?
Sure. I know the stage door guard real good.
You can watch from the wings, Your Honor.
It's the best seat in the house.
But it's going to cost you.
I mean, I got to make a living, too.
A hundred dollars?
And you can keep the change, son.
Thanks, Your Honor.
This gentleman
is a friend of Miss Langtry's.
He'd like to see her.
I can't let him in. I got orders.
He's a Judge.
Well, seeing he's a Judge...
but I can't risk my job for nothing.
Give him something.
Only a fin, Your Honor, we don't want to spoil him.
- How are you, Tector? - Glad to have you back, Judge.
- Glad to be back. - How was your trip?
Memorable. Memorable.
How'd you know I was on that train?
I didn't know. I was just hoping.
Hoping?
Maria Elena's been calling for you.
The baby's fine, but Maria Elena...
she ain't...
We sent for the doctor four days ago, Judge.
Ought to been here by now.
What's going on here?
What kind of a...
a welcome is this?
I can't abide you lying in bed.
You had the baby.
You should...
be standing on your hind legs.
I'm sorry it's a girl.
Don't change the subject.
I can't abide you like that at all pale and warm.
It ain't becoming... for my bride-to-be.
How did she look?
Who?
Miss Lillie.
Her.
Had other things on my mind...
Music boxes and the like.
I expect you'll be dancing to this...
tomorrow.
Tonight.
You'll be dancing to it tonight.
I can't wait till tomorrow.
I won't have it.
You'll be dancing to this tonight.
That's my ruling, by dobbs.
Maria.
Maria?
Howdy, Judge.
Would have been here two days sooner
except the doc was on a drunk.
Well, he ain't in very good condition.
Got away from us once but we caught him
and throwed him in the Pecos River.
Hey! Wake up, doc. Come on, wake up.
You're here. Wake up. Get on out of here.
Get out.
You may take me to the patient.
Hang him.
No.
I'll hang him.
No. Judge.
No. No, please.
My God. No. No. Judge.
Judge, no. No.
No. No, please.
No. Judge, please don't.
No. No, please don't.
What is going on here?
You! Put that man down, sir.
What is the meaning of this?
He's hanging the doctor.
Well, you stop him. I forbid it.
I am the mayor. You are my officers
and as mayor of this town, I demand that you do your duty
and put a halt to these illegal proceedings.
Hanging is the outlaw's path to glory...
and much too good for the likes of you.
Judge, I think I should tell you that...
in your absence, a town meeting was held...
Shut up, Gass.
During the course of which I was, duly appointed mayor.
Gass!
They voted for me, Judge
by a show of hands.
Our wives' fault, Judge. They kept at us.
I'm going home and beat mine.
Judge, can't we just pretend it never happened?
Sure. That's a good idea, Judge.
Bygones is bygones.
The Judge left everything he owned or built
rode off into the desert just like he came.
Time and the country just swallowed him up.
Some say he never did return. Like the historians.
They call it "A Romantic Fabrication."
Hell, what do they know?
How would anybody know better than me? I was there.
I saw it with my own eyes
but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I took the Judge's little girl
and raised her as my own.
Little Rose grew like a young colt.
Lawyer Gass, he took over.
With a carpet bag full of papers
he was able to steal the same land
that the Judge had wrested from the devil
with a gun and a rope.
Civilization.
It was steps going down for the Judge's marshals.
Gass fired 'em, and they was forced to seek livelihoods
beneath their stations.
It didn't take long for their wives to ditch 'em, either.
As she grew
Rose read the same books the Judge had read.
I think she thought of him
the same as one of them ancient Roman Gods.
Looking back
we had in the person of Teddy Roosevelt
the finest president in the history of this country.
He had the spirit and determination
that matched the times and the land.
Then the women got the vote
and everything went to hell.
While our boys was overseas fighting the Kaiser
the women got prohibition put in.
Drinking and gambling and whoring were declared unlawful.
All those things which come natural to men
became crimes.
They went right on doing 'em, of course, but in hiding.
And as if things weren't bad enough
oil was discovered in West Texas.
Hoodlums came crawling out of the woodwork.
Politicians and crime lords were bedfellows
and cops became pimps.
It was a generation of vipers.
Gass became the oil-richest man in Texas.
He hired killers and thugs from the east to run things
and kept order with his special police.
Those that stood in his way
were shot down in gang wars.
Blood soaked in the mud of Langtry again.
Miss Bean, when I acquired the Jersey Lily
it was without foreknowledge
of the resources that lay beneath.
I mean, it's hardly my fault that oil was struck here.
Well, you just remember your dear father's dream, Miss Bean...
Hotels, refineries, factories.
You keep my father's name out of this.
Miss Bean, I am bending over backwards to be fair.
Take your time about leaving.
One week or two weeks.
You take your time, too, Mr. Gass.
Take a second.
Take two seconds.
And then git.
I said git!
Be out of there by midnight
or you shall be evicted.
Evict us? Let 'em try.
Rose, you don't stand a chance. The law's on his side.
- The law. - Yes. Law.
I didn't say nothing about justice.
Uncle Tector.
Yes?
That man on horseback...
He looks like...
something out of an old picture book.
Don't often see a man ride a horse
through this town anymore.
Just some... old-timer who don't know
that civilization is set in here.
Civilization? We're not going to let it swallow us up.
I won't stand by and see my father's house,
the birthplace of law and order,
turned into a gasoline station.
Rose, there's nothing we can do about it.
I am a Bean, and we Beans
just don't know when we're licked.
Rose.
Uncle Tector,
let's give them hell.
You drunken bum. Stay out of here.
Bart. Big Bart jackson.
Yes, sir, Judge.
What are you doing wallowing in the mud
in broad daylight like a common drunk?
I reckon that's what I've become, Judge.
A common drunk.
Shame on you for admitting it.
Life's dealt me one bad hand after another, Judge,
since you went away.
What kind of talk is that
for a man of strong moral fiber?
I've slowly come unraveled, Judge.
Stand up, Bart Jackson, on your hind legs.
Yes, sir, Judge.
Unbutton your ears.
Yes, sir, Judge.
I want you to find Nick The Grub.
Fermel Parlee, and Whorehouse Lucky Jim
wherever they are.
Yes, sir, Judge.
- And meet me. - Meet you?
- At moonrise. - Meet you at moonrise?
Where?
The bear's monument. Where else?
Yes, sir, Judge.
Where else?
Here we go.
Who's there?
Judge Roy Bean and four marshals.
'Tain't neither.
Who do you think you're fooling?
He's back, Tector. Open up.
Hello, Tector.
And you are my daughter.
She is.
What's your name?
Rose. After the song.
You take after your mother.
Sometimes she takes after you.
How old are you?
Twenty.
God almighty.
I've been gone that long?
Yes.
No wonder I feel like a stranger.
Where you been, Judge?
Down the pike.
Whiskey, Tector. Cactus whiskey.
You ain't spoke yet.
Maybe you got nothing to say.
I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me at all.
I ain't been no kind of a father.
You're always here, pa.
You and ma and the watch-bear and Miss Lillie.
It'll be a little while, I reckon.
Care to play a few hands?
Come on over here and sit where your ma used to sit.
I open for a .38.
Call.
I'll call the .38...
and raise you two .45s.
Not today.
Yeah. I'm out, too.
I'll call.
I call.
- Call. - Call.
I'll take three.
They're coming, them brown-shirted bastards.
Four abreast.
I got a pat hand.
So do I.
Open in the name of the law.
You're being evicted on orders from Mayor Gass.
Open up in the name of the law.
Take cover, men!
Pull that car over there
and shine the lights.
Vacate those premises immediately
or face the consequences.
We've stood for this long enough.
Raze that place.
We must be done with beanism!
Check.
That eyesore.
That dreadful, barbarous shack...
Three .45s.
The infamous Roy Bean.
I'll call you and raise you three .45s.
- I'll fold. - Yeah.
I'll call.
Thought I was bluffing, didn't you?
Queen-high straight.
I got a queen-high flush.
Tector Crites.
Rose Bean.
Come out, or we'll burn you out.
Who are you?
Justice, you sons of bitches.
Pa.
For Texas
and Miss Lillie!
The fires raged and died.
The wells dried up.
The wind blew the ashes away
and sand covered the stars.
The desert reclaimed its own.
Can I be of any assistance, Miss Langtry?
How did you know my name, good man?
Why, everyone around here
knows what you look like, Miss Langtry.
Everyone?
We been waiting for you near to 30 years.
- "We?" - Tector and me.
We'uns the only ones left, ma'am.
Come on. There's a lot to see.
The reason I walk this way, ma'am...
Both my toes next to the big ones
shot off by the original Bad Bob.
Mind the cactus.
This here is Tector Crites, ma'am.
He's the curator for the Judge Roy Bean Museum.
How do you do, Mr. Crites?
This here is the Jersey Lily.
It was named after...
you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Just like the town.
Genuine hanging rope. Notice the noose.
Frayed around the edges.
It's the Judge's favorite.
Well, I seem to be everywhere.
The Judge always said it was a shrine to you, ma'am.
The Judge?
Whatever happened to that funny old Judge?
He hasn't written to me in years.
The Judge cashed in his chips, ma'am.
He passed away.
I am sorry.
I see.
Is that a bullet hole through my heart?
Yes, it is, ma'am.
They was wild men in those days.
Who did it?
Snake River Rufus Krile did that, I believe.
- Yeah. - What became of him?
The Judge shot him... dead.
Dead dead.
Then he fined him for some other crimes
and then later we hanged him.
Most appropriate.
The Judge must have been quite a character.
He was, ma'am. That he was.
His boots will be forever empty.
Billy, get Rose's picture.
The Judge's daughter got married last spring
to an army aviator.
He's an ace in the war against the Kaiser.
His plane ran out of fuel.
He landed in the street out here.
That's how they met.
How charming.
Is this the Judge's pistol?
Yes, ma'am.
Do you suppose I might buy it?
The Judge wouldn't hear of that.
He would want you to have it
as a souvenir.
There's something else he would want you to have.
I found it on the bar there
right after the fire.
It's addressed to you...
in his own hand.
My dearest Lillie.
I take pen in hand to write you
for this very last time.
I wish to tell you that although I have never seen you
or heard the sound of your voice.
I have carried you with me in my heart always.
Your presence on this Earth
has given me strength and dignity
becoming to a gentleman.
Helped me to drive away the cold
of my long and lonely night.
I wish to say, lastly,
it has been an honor to adore you.
God willing
sometime in this life or afterwards
I may yet stand in your light
and declare myself forever and ever
your ardent admirer and champion.
Judge Roy Bean.